Submission: "Hopeless to Dopeless" by Alicia Mason | Harbor Village - Harbor Village

Submission: “Hopeless to Dopeless” by Alicia Mason

The following poem is a submission written by Alicia Mason and published with permission from the author. 

A hopeless dope fiend, broken down and beat
A needle junkie with nothing left in me
But guilt, shame, remorse, obsession, self-defeat
No longer seeing light in this empty hollow me
No longer living life. Just existing in the streets

So I pray to my addiction, “Just take this pain away!”
Just make me numb. Please take this breathe away!
Don’t let me feel a thing, cause all I do is ache
Mentally and physically, is this really my fate?

Is this my final legacy and what I’ve become?
Manipulative and selfish, obsessing over drugs
Self-centered, deceitful, always chasing that rush
That lifestyle, that darkness, that chaos, no trust
Self-pity, despair, delusional, no love

Suicide attempts over and over just to fail
Just to wake up in pain, dreading another day
Can’t look myself in the mirror, ashamed of my own face
Can’t look you in the eye. I have nothing left to say
I just want to be alone, so please just go away

Just leave me with this powder, this liquid in a stick
Just leave me with this poison to not be dope sick
I’ll do whatever it takes to get to that next hit
I don’t wanna feel a thing, especially this
I don’t care if it kills me. I don’t want to live

I wanna stop the madness, but I don’t know how
I wanna end the sadness I’ve inflicted all around
I wanna feel happy. I wanna feel proud
I wanna tear these walls down. I wanna break out
Then I hear these distant voices in my head getting loud
Voices from my past, from rooms I was around

They say you’re not alone and you can live a different life
You don’t have to feel trapped. You don’t have to get high
Things can get better if you just give it time
Have faith, have patience, take it one day at a time
Be honest with yourself and you’ll start to rise
Start working the steps, be willing to climb
You can change your life if you open up your mind
You can’t do it alone. We’ll be your lifeline
Take suggestions, find a sponsor, go to meetings.  Make the time!

Be grateful for your past. Be grateful for your pain
Use it as fuel to change those evil ways
Do whatever it takes. Just don’t pick up today!
Without your recovery, you’re nothing but insane
Without NA unity, you’re lost and afraid

You can get through this. You can live a life
Filled with happiness, trust, compassion,  and pride
Wake up and feel blessed. Be grateful your alive
Be proud, love yourself, be happy you survived
It’s never too late. We’ll hug you and smile.
Just keep coming back. You’ll find hope in the light
You’ll find a higher power to change your whole life
You’ll find what you’ve been looking for, but thought you’d never find
You’ll have serenity, acceptance,  empathy, peace of mind
We promise it works, if you work it, in time
What’s the worst that could happen? A Dopeless hope fiend with a life?

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