5 Things You Should Never Tell Yourself
We’re always our biggest critics. Sometimes this helps us to grow and access ourselves openly and honestly so we can make adjustments necessary in our behaviors with others and the environments around us. Yet, there’s a fine line between keeping yourself honest, and belittling, second guessing, and admonishing every little thing you do.
People with a history of substance use disorders, depression, anxiety, anger management problems, and similar psychological states are prone to developing self defeating behaviors stemming from self talk.
Self talk is simply the way we speak to ourselves, either inwardly or outwardly. It is how we perceive ourselves, and yes, even treat ourselves. If you’re unaware you can “treat” yourself either negatively or positively, this illumination may be crucial to improving your quality of life.
It isn’t enough to love those around you- you have to love you, too. Here are five things you should never, ever say to yourself:
1.You #%^$ Everything Up
Give yourself a break, we all make mistakes. Did you make a huge one? Me too. About a thousand times. And guess what? I’m still going to- and so are you. We learn from our experiences so we can avoid hurting the people we love the most, and ourselves in turn.
Telling yourself everything in the entire world is your fault is not only wrong but puts yourself in the state of mind no matter which action you take, it will be for not a create havoc. This is not only dangerous because of the abysmal effects this line of thinking will have on your self esteem, but because it will fool you into inaction.
Accepting everything is your fault will paralyze your ability to do anything at all. In life we must continually move forward. Inaction serves to annihilate this intrinsic aspect of growth.
2. I’m Worthless
There is light in everyone. To brand yourself as useless is not only inaccurate, but abnegates every good you have done in the entirety of your life. It strips you of your accomplishments and belittles the crux of yourself. Moments of helplessness and hopelessness are to be expected, but never believe for one moment you are worthless.
3. I’m Ugly
Stop it, you! Even if you’re not where you want to be in terms of weight or aesthetic appearance does not mean you are ugly. You must look inward and emanate that beauty outward. Beauty cannot be defined by looks alone, it must be felt, and thereby speaks for itself.
My grandmother used to tell my mother not to focus on just one aspect of herself- because then we are blinded to the other beauties of ourselves. We are portraits, and must be viewed as such: in whole.
4. I’m Stupid
We all have silly moments- that doesn’t mean we don’t know anything all the time. Cut yourself a break, laugh it off, and move on. There is no sense in dwelling in the past you cannot change. Silencing yourself because you believe you are “stupid,” or “dumb,” only osolates your ability to read up on those things you may want to know more about.
5. I Don’t Mean Anything to Anyone
After teenagehood, we lose touch with many of our friends, and only see perhaps one or two of them afterwards. This is completely normal! If you are in a fit of despair because you don’t believe anyone cares about you, you must ask yourself a few questions as to your relationships.
If you aren’t so great at keeping up with your friends (I’m horrible at this!) it is quite possible your loved ones have no idea what’s going on in your life- and may not know they are needed at all. Try communicating with them before you come to this conclusion- and hopefully before your thoughts progress to this.
By far your family and loved ones care about you regardless if you see them frequently or not. There’s a wonderful poem I listen to when I feel this way:
What did you think?
About the Author
Alexandrea Holder is a South Florida native working toward double Master’s degrees in Psychology and English. She finds the psychological aspects of addiction and mental illness fascinating, as both are prevalent in her family’s history. When not researching and spreading addiction awareness, Alexandrea enjoys sparring, artistic pursuits, and admiring puppies online.