21 Surprising Delivery Methods Used by Creative Drug Dealers You Won’t Believe
I’ve read some strange things in the past, but these take the cake. I don’t recommend you attempt any of these fanciful, concerning, and morally horrendous smuggling attempts- as every single person on this list was caught.
1. What the Heck is Cuckooing?
If you recall, we’ve covered cuckooing once before, but to refresh your memory: cuckooing is the invasion of drug dealers into homes of vulnerable people with substance use disorders. Although cuckooing sounds like an excitable party game, it’s actually morbidly dangerous, and marks these drug dealers as kidnappers of both person and home.
When the drug dealer takes over, he (or she) uses the pilfered home as a drug storefront.
2. Marijuana & Heroin Delivery, Via Surveillance Drone
Aren’t surveillance drones supposed to “keep us safe?” Well, for a prison yard, and the nine who fought to near-death (well, not really. No serious injuries were reported), one particular surveillance drone caused quite the stir after dropping marijuana, cocaine, and heroin into the prison yard.
3. Love Happy Meals? These Come with Heroin
A McDonald’s employee was arrested for selling Happy Meals complete with bags of heroin when prompted with, “I’d like to order a toy.” Heroin “toys” are bad for you!
4. Drugs Launched by Cannon- Not Dangerous at All
A makeshift cannon, fashioned from PVC pipe was mounted to a bright orange pickup truck. The purpose of the cannon? Launching 13kg of marijuana. That’s not concerning at all.
5. Woman has 3 Lbs. of Cocaine Surgically Inserted
A macabre account of a woman having cocaine bags surgically implanted into her breasts is probably the most bodily disturbing incident for me personally. That’s six extra pounds, of cocaine! Surgically implanted!
If nothing else, she was dedicated to her trade.
6. Secret 220 Yard Tunnel Accessible by Bathroom Sink
When I scavenge the underbelly of my sink cabinets I’m usually looking for an extra roll of toilet paper, lady unmentionables, or cleaning products. (Sometimes my cats sneak in there and I have to rescue them.) But if I opened up the cabinets of my sink to find a 220 yard tunnel I would be a combination of mildly concerned, awed, and then screaming hysterically as I called all my friends.
Although I wish I’d find a tunnel where I can traverse a land of dragons and fairies, this particular tunnel served to smuggle drugs across the Mexican border to our USA.
7. Gamer Addiction Gets Real: Marijuana Stuffed WiiPads
I have gamer friends- and it’s true, they’re pretty obsessed- but none of them have stuffed their WiiPads with marijuana. That’s just gamer sacrilege.
8. Marijuana Dealers Really Like Cannons: T-Shirt Cannons This Time
More cannons! But this one is mildly safer, I think? Mexican drug dealers have been reported shooting bags of marijuana (and from the photos large, potentially harmful-to-heads bags) over the border. Who the heck picks up all the bags anyway?
As far as remaining inconspicuous, these cannon guys fail. I’d be intrigued too if I saw strange packages falling out of the sky. And sometimes I don’t notice things- like giant red fences marking the approach of my new home. (It’s a long story, of a 3 hour adventure of being lost.)
9. Blasphemy! Wheelchair Weed!
A man pretended to be handicapped so he could smuggle weed in the cushion of his wheelchair. Thankfully his ignoble behavior has not promoted officers to unduly search everyone in wheelchairs.
10. Duct Tape Undies Anyone? They Have Cocaine
It’s relatively common knowledge drug dealers and “runners” (or those who deliver drugs) sometimes hide illicit substances in their orifices- but duck tape underwear is kind of new. But wouldn’t the product get sweaty? What about when nature calls? Ew!
11. Head-Shaped Cocaine Stuffed Under Wig
Wigs are becoming a popular way to change your look without damaging your hair- but a couple was stopped when officers noticed strange lumps on their heads- which turned out to be cocaine shaped to fit their heads under said wigs.
12. Cocaine Bras!
At least cocaine bras are better than having cocaine bags surgically implanted. But, drug sniffing dogs don’t care where the illicit goods are. They will find them.
13. The Poor Cocaine Stuffed Clams
I hope these drug dealing smugglers received charges of animal abuse! Clams were stuffed with cocaine and glued shut and boarded onto a small plane. Officers thought the cargo suspicious, and they were right.
14. Pringles Delivery, But the Chips Are Actually Molded Cocaine
I love Pringles, so I find it ostentatiously ludacris my favorite chips were the models for cocaine chips. It’s not that my beloved Pringles were encased in a layer of cocaine- a drug dealer actually made almost-identical cocaine chips. Purely made of cocaine.
15. This Is Just Wrong: Narcotic Caskets
This is what I meant when I said immoral smuggling earlier. Caskets have been furnished with heroin and other illicit substances for “easy” transport. In some cases cadavers have been stuffed the same.
16. Elmo, Say it Isn’t So! Stuffed Elmos Conceal 4 Lbs. of Methamphetamine
It’s not just marijuana and cocaine being smuggled across the nation. Crafty drug dealers and traffickers have turned to Elmo dolls to get methamphetamine from point A to point B.
17. Plastic Cocaine- Not Even Walter White Did this One
Chemists are incredible, but must use their powers for good, and not plastic cocaine! (Right Pablo? He’s our resident chemist, and he fights for good!) If it makes it better, the plastic was fashioned around chocolate. No. . . it still doesn’t really make it better.
18. All Hail Cocaine Jesus
More blasphemy! A seven pound cocaine Jesus was seized from a runner who was paid to deliver the bounty. I appreciate expressions of spirituality- especially when you craft your own, but making a cocaine Jesus is probably the opposite of celebrating Christiandom.
19. Secret Cocaine Compartments in The Bible
Okay, this is just wrong. I love books- and it’s the Holy Book- the Good Book– and they put cocaine in it! Think twice before purchasing a Bible- maybe you should inspect it for secret compartments.
20. Don’t Trust Pirates, They Have Cocaine in Their Wooden Legs
A man with a wooden leg is apprehended for stashing copious amounts of cocaine in his false limb! If you’re a reader of our blog, you should know Alexandrea (our lovely, talented writer) loves pirates. I am now suspicious.
21. Baked Chicken & Cocaine Eggs
As a vegetarian, I believe all chickens should remain alive and be chickens frolicking in chicken meadows. So I am especially upset baked chickens were stuffed with tinfoil wrapped cocaine! That’s just wrong. And there’s already that dish of stuffed chicken, stuffed in a duck, which is stuck in a pig- or, whatever that is.
And there you have it folks, awkward instances of drug smuggling.
Have any more stories? (Hopefully not from personal experience!)
About the Author
JessiRae Pulver-Adell is an addiction & recovery blogger for Harbor Village. She writes to elucidate the disease of addiction and is an activist for the homeless and animals. She enjoys furry creatures, Jrock, and towering bookshelves! Have a story or a pitch to share? Email her directly at Jupveradell@harborvillageflorida.com.