Hopefully you’ve read Alexandrea’s rendition of Why Your Dog Hates You When You’re Drunk. But this one’s for cat lovers!
1. You’re Too Flipping Loud
We have three. Three.
Our feline friends can hear an astonishing 60Hz, as compared to our meager 20Hz. That means your cats can hear when a mouse squeaks under a cabinet, That should give you some perspective of how unpleasant your wild rambling, yelling, screaming- and sometimes sobbing, sounds to kitty cat.
Especially if you’re a happy drunk- you are much too loud for kitty.
You don’t know you’re being loud when you’re drunk because your sense of judgement has flown away. Far, far, away. If you don’t know where you are, who your best friend is, or what your name is, do you think you’re going to be able to tell if you’re being unreasonably loud?
2. Your Cat Smells AND Tastes Your Alcohol
Yes our cats are wizards! Kitty kitty has an amazing “Flehmen Response” allowing them to not only sniff the air, but taste it too. This sense helps cats identify whatever it is they’re sniffing- and they don’t want to smell you. Not anymore anyway.
Cats don’t have taste buds which detect sweetness- but they can smell and taste your whiskey breath.
Do you truly want to subject your favorite furry companion to that?
3. You’re Waking Her Up
You’re a naughty, naughty human.
Waking an indoor cat up may not be such a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but if your cat is an outdoor kitty, or a mix of both, depriving her of sleep may make her vulnerable to predators and other cats, who may attack her.
Cats save their energy and either sleep or rest most of their day to prepare for what would be their hunt in the wild. If your cat is actively hunting she may not be able to catch that lizard tomorrow. She probably won’t starve- unless you forget to feed her after your drunken stupor- but she won’t be as active.
4. Your Cat Doesn’t Want to Heal Your Broken Bones
Of course, extensive studies would have to confirm the validity of this-
but what do drunk people do? Silly things. Your shenanigans may lead to a fall, a scab, or a broken bone, or two. Your kitty doesn’t want to deal with you hobbling around the house, nor does she want to be on full doctor kitty patrol and have to purr on you for a month.
5. Your Cat Is Smarter than You, Literally- and It’s Annoying
Why do you think your furry creature won’t let you go to the bathroom in peace? It’s because they know you don’t know what you’re doing (all the time). Your cat knows humans don’t typically sleep on their floors, but when you’re drunk you may forget.
Which brings me to my next point. . .
6. Your Cat Remembers the Last Time You Were Drunk, and She’s Tired of Your S***
And they don’t like it.
Remember the last time your kitty laid waste to your favorite jacket after holding her for too long? She remembered you being a jerk, and took action! When you’re drunk your kitten remembers what you did the last time you smelled like that and will run for the hills before you have time to ruin everything.
7. You’re Making Your Cat Work Harder, to Get Away from You
Maybe if you shower and brush your teeth your chances will improve, but she’ll probably do just about anything to get away from your stench.
8. You’re Making Your Cat Take an Extra Bath- and it Tastes Gross
And because she can both taste the alcohol on your breath while smelling it, what do you think it does to her when you quish her with love while drunk?
It’s probably really unpleasant.