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9 Reasons Not to Get S***Faced on 4th of July

  • 9 Reasons Not to Get S***Faced on 4th of July

    9 Reasons Not to Get S***Faced on 4th of July

    We’ve all done it. Probably. Had one too many in the celebration of America’s independence Day. You’ve heard the science. Glazed over why you shouldn’t drink to excess in other “Top X” lists of the adverse effects of alcohol. For you stubborn ones, here’s all the facts in plain English.

    1) You’re Going to Die

    Why does everyone think it’s a great idea to get as wasted as possible and then go out into the world? Drunk driving on the Fourth of July is infamous, as are the morose death tolls. Take it from Traffic Safety:

    In 2014, over the 4th of July holiday (6 p.m. July 3rd to 5:59 a.m. July 7th), 164 people were killed in crashes involving at least one driver or motorcycle operator with a blood alcohol concentration (BAC) of .08 or higher. Those preventable deaths make up 41% of the 397 people killed in motor vehicle traffic crashes over the 4th of July period.

    Please don’t drink and drive. Call an Uber. Call a friend. Walk. Stay. Do anything and everything to avoid getting behind the wheel. One uncomfortable night will save you a lifetime of regret.

    A few years ago I was out on the Fourth, and a drunk guy tried to whisk me away as I walked passed him. He took hold of my wrist and started to pull me towards him and his friend. Luckily for him, his friend realized what he was doing and shook him off of me. If I had four and a half more seconds to process what was happening, he’d be a dead man.

    Don’t grab random girls (or guys) while you’re drunk.

    You’re going to die.

     

    2) You’re Going to Light Yourself on Fire

    Fireworks and booze? Who the hell thought that was a good idea? It’s a very, very bad idea. If you’ve been drinking, enjoy the fireworks from a distance. No reason in endangering the loved ones around you, right? Drunkenness is only fun when you’re not giving you and your friends third degree burns. Read up on Burn Safety Tips.

    (Lavender essential oil is surprisingly effective at treating burns.)

     

     

    3) Your Boss Will See Those Pictures

    9 Reasons Not to Get S***Faced on 4th of July image

    You know the ones. There you are, half naked, puke covered, and screaming incoherently into an iPhone. Keep the camera away. Keep away from social media. Just keep away. It’s all a terrible, no good, very bad idea.

     

    4) Your Liver Will Die

    9 Reasons Not to Get S***Faced on 4th of July image

    And then you’ll die. Alcohol poisoning (which is really an alcohol overdose) can be fatal– and is often ignored by party-goers. Passing out from drinking too much alcohol isn’t something that should happen. It’s not normal. Should your respiratory system  become taxed enough, you will stop breathing. Oh, and your liver? It doesn’t appreciate your ****.

     

    5) You’re Going to Get Dumped

    9 Reasons Not to Get S***Faced on 4th of July image

    Puking everywhere is bad. Puking on your date? You’ll never be seen as an intimate being again. Don’t puke until you drink. It’s unattractive. It’s unhealthy. And you’re getting dumped.

    6) You’re Going to Get Fired

    9 Reasons Not to Get S***Faced on 4th of July image

    If those pictures aren’t enough to get you fired, your ridiculous hangover will. Your boss will notice if you miss Tuesday. You will be judged. You may be fired. (Didn’t show up and you have awkward pictures? You’re doomed.)

     

    7) You’re Going to Get Fat

    9 Reasons Not to Get S***Faced on 4th of July image

    I’ll just leave these right here.

    1.5oz Servings (one shot):

    Amaretto: 170 Calories

    Bacardi 151: 183 Calories

    Bacardi Superior 97 Calories

    Bailey’s Irish Creme 86 Calories

    Bourbon (90 proof) 109 Calories

    Captain Morgan Original Spiced 85 Calories

    Jack Daniels 97 Calories

    Jagermeister 150 Calories

    Jameson 97 Calories

    Jim Beam 97 Calories

    Jim Beam Black Label 104 Calories

    Malibu 90 Calories

    Tequila (80 proof) 97 Calories

    Vodka (100 proof) 121 Calories

    Vodka (80 proof) 97 Calories

     

    8) People Are A***Holes

    9 Reasons Not to Get S***Faced on 4th of July image

    Do you really want to celebrate America’s birthday around a bunch of loud, rowdy jerks who are also drink?

     

    9) You’ll Be Too Vulnerable

    9 Reasons Not to Get S***Faced on 4th of July image

    Let’s be honest: when we drink, we’re vulnerable. Judgement and smart decision making is our first sense to go when we’re under the influence. Drink responsibly. Keep your wits about you, and don’t let anyone take advantage of your inebriation. If you decide to go out tonight, bring a buddy, never leave your drink unattended, and if you ever feel uneasy or uncomfortable, trust your intuition and leave.

     

    Further Reading:

    8 Reasons Your Cat Hates You When You’re Drunk

    Why Your Dog Hates You When You’re Drunk

    Drunk on Purell?! More Kids Are Accidentally Getting Drunk on Hand Sanitizer

    Soft Kitty, Warm Kitty: Drunk Omaha Woman Gets Bitten By Tiger

    Drunk Driving Mother Arrested With Jello Shots in Pockets

     

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